late nights, sore muscles, and missing the money shot

morning of day 3. feels like we've been here a week. I am exhausted.

let's go back to thursday and work forward from there... my aunt and her family arrived in the late afternoon, and we headed out to the biltmore millennium hotel for a reception for N and his classmates. ritzy! but, although appropriately dressed, as we were walking in, I couldn't help feeling like we were out of place... maybe that was due to the fact that this reception was being held IN A BAR!

yep - call dhs!!! I took my 17 month old baby to a bar. whats worse - we were not asked to leave. I don't know if they would have served her, but they acted like it was perfectly normal. this is LA, though, land of plastic surgery. maybe they figured L was the hot new Hollywood starlet or something.

a bar. sheesh!

following our shots, (I keed, I keed) we went to dinner. time check?? oh, it was 8:30pm LA time.L normally goes to bed at 8pm OK time. the poor thing slept through dinner - maybe due to the 45 min wait we sat through.

we got back to the hotel around 11:45 - and poured ourselves into bed.

LA - arrival day, or "there's no crying in mommy travel"

I just finished crying it out. this morning couldn't have gone better. the airport staff, flight, hotel shuttle, everything went smoothly. L was a dream. well behaved the whole flight. I even got a compliment at the end of the flight from another passenger that L was so quiet. :) traveling mommy gold star!

however, all I could think of the whole time was the old bill Cosby big about Jeffrey on the airplane, and how at the end of the flight his mother was so frazzled, exhausted, and just plain defeated. this is how I was starting to feel about half an hour before landing when...

...suddenly my tummy and arm were warm and wet. L's diaper had failed, and she and I found ourselves covered in pee. no changing table on the airplane, and we were about to land so the fasten seatbelt sign was on. we'd just have to deal with it.

frazzled? yes, and wet.

we get to the hotel, get her changed and fed, then proceed to attempt to get her to nap FOR THE NEXT 2 hours!!!

by the time she finally fell asleep, 10 minutes ago - I was in tears. hormones, stress, and exhaustion - since I've been up since 3am central time - and it's now noon pacific.

let's hope I can get a nap in now, and the rest of the day will be much improved.

why "if I can't see it, nobody else can" does not apply to pregnant women and body hair

...because people have eyes.

really, that's the reason.

also - my husband should be sainted. I couldn't tell you under oath how long it's been since I last shaved above the knee... at least 6 months - probably longer. but thanks to my sweet friend Laura - I had some time to actually shower BY MYSELF, and I got to take longer than 4 minutes to do it! MIRACLE!

all this shaving and showering was prompted by the fact that we have L's first swim lesson today! I am super excited! will do my best to post an additional update tonight.

travel preparation

I'm traveling to California with my 17 month old and my 80 year old grandmother this week for my cousin's graduation from USC. This will be my daughter's first time on an airplane.

bad idea?

maybe. I am feeling a little in-over-my-head. I've been making lists the past few days... don't forget swimming diapers, sippy cups, spoons, bibs, SHOES! I'm starting to feel a teensy bit frantic and unprepared. sort of how I felt before the beginning of a new school year when I was a teacher.

I fully expect there to be much ridiculousness surrounding this trip, and I fully plan on posting it on here. I only wish my daughter could blog... It'd be hilarious to hear the story from her perspective... my mom is nuts, she's been running around this airport all morning with toilet paper hanging out of the back of her pants, and food stuck in her teeth. I'd tell her about it - but it's much more fun to watch her squirm.

oy. this may not have been the best decision.

why I'm not partying in the streets with my fellow countrymen today

I certainly don't want to rain on anybody's parade. if you are twelve kinds of happy about Bin Laden's death - I am happy for you. I know that his death can certainly bring closure to families who have been hurting for ten long years now. I know that his death is making some people feel more safe in this turbulent world.

but to me...

I don't feel safer. I feel strange about celebrating "the death of an evil man". I've been somber all day. Somber and maybe a little scared.

I know that there will be retaliation. I know that Bin Laden's most loyal followers have a plan in place in the event of his death or capture by the US. I'm not as worried being a mid-westerner, since terrorists generally like to stick to big, coastal cities... but I am planning a trip to a big, coastal city in the next couple of weeks. with my daughter. and my unborn son.

and I know, I know, if we allow ourselves to be afraid, the terrorists win. but whatever. I can be scared all I want.

I got all stressy like this after McVeigh's execution too. but I feel like it's amplified today. more so than with McVeigh, I feel like this is a matter of opinion. Bin Laden is seen in the West as an evil mass murderer... (and I'm not arguing with that fact) but were we on his side, we would no doubt feel just as convicted that he was doing God's work (his God, of course - but aren't we ALL convinced that only our God is the right God?? and who are we to condemn someone for believing in a different deity than we believe in ?)

I guess I just don't understand. I don't get the concept of killing for religious purposes. honestly, I don't get the concept of killing without immanent danger to the self. (like, if someone were going to kill or hurt me or my kids, I would try to incapacitate them without killing them, but if I had to kill them, I'd do it.) but minus that - I don't see a reason to kill.

also - I didn't lose anyone in the 9/11 or the OKC attacks. I don't know what that pain is like for the families who have felt, until yesterday, that the man who murdered their loved ones had gotten away with it. I don't have a family member or loved one in the military right now. (I have extended family there, but no one I'm super close with) I imagine I would feel MUCH differently about this situation if I did.

but all I can seem to muster today are feelings of disappointment, loss, worry, and fear.

disappointment in us as humans. that we can hate so much that we cease to see humanity in others (as did Bin Laden... he did not see Westerners as humans, and so we did not see him as one)

loss for the ability to make sense of all of this.

worry and fear that the retaliation will be horrible. will hurt and or kill more innocent people, and that possible hurt or death could come to my loved ones.

sighing,

a