and what's crazy is - I have a fantastically supportive husband & mother

today has been hectic so far - and there's no end in sight for the weekend. we've got company coming in from out of town, so there is cleaning to do (not going to get done)... we had errands to run, and of course - kids to feed, change diapers, chase, rock, etc...

I often feel like I'm the only one...

...who can make breakfast (for EVERYONE)
...who can dress the kids
...who can change diapers
...who can give baths (when my mother isn't here - she usually does do this one)
...who can give medicine
...who can brush teeth (mom handles this one too)
...who can make lunch
...who can decide whether or not to pick up a crying child

This morning, H woke up to nurse at 720, I settled in to nurse him while X got L up. when I finished nursing, it was one fluid movement from putting H in his bouncer chair to cooking breakfast. this is a typical morning around here. some mornings, I don't cook breakfast for X because he has to leave for work before I can do it. but 9 mornings out of 10... I nurse and then I start cooking. I wonder about mothers who did this without modern conveniences... how did they handle nursing a baby, making a meal from scratch, and not losing their shit every single day?

we got home from running errands, and I put H down in his carseat and immediately walked into the kitchen to make lunch. I am finishing my sandwich as I type this, because as soon as I am finished - it will be time to nurse again. Following nursing, I will be going to the grocery store to get a few ingredients to cook tonight's dinner.

I feed. I cook. I feed. I cook.

I also wonder how single parents do it. Without the help from X and mom, I don't know - I'd probably be in a looney bin by now. I definitely need breaks often. Even if it's just someone taking L for a walk or into the other room for 5 minutes. I cannot imagine not being able to call out "honey? could you please bring me a diaper/wipe/kleenex/new outfit for the baby, etc..." and have someone at the ready to help in that way.

I know that men are generally not intuitive creatures and that they are generally happy to do what we ask - we just have to ask, because they don't realize that x, y, and z need to be done. But sometimes I do still wish that X would be intuitive. So I don't have to ask. Because, honestly I feel guilty asking for real help. I feel guilty asking him to help clean because it's my job. He doesn't ask me to do any part of his job. So - why should I?

Of course, I don't leave my dirty socks on his desk... so there's that.

Every job on the planet has bitter and sweet.

I just need to find some sugar, and swallow. :)

- a